life&love&everything in between

I found this list, and I think that healing is not just about “moving on” or “getting over” him, but instead its more about how to be comfortable with who I am, and especially who I am without him.  

1. eliminate self criticism - this is definitely something I need to work on, but I am not sure how to go about doing it.  more thought on this later….

2. be kind AND positive - I actually have been working on this.  I want people to think that I am sweet and kind.  I have started just in a little way by making sure my writings are not all negative and sad.  I write about happy things, and good days too.  I really do want to be happy.

3. acknowledge my effort - if I do my best, what else is there to offer?  sometimes I don’t like this philosophy because that is what Mom and Dad always said, and I always felt that success was the only goal.  I need to recognize what 100% effort looks like.

4. let go of worry - “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus

5. trust myself - I will be better. I will get over this, I just have to believe that it will happen, and accept that it probably won’t for a decent amount of time.

6. forgive myself - it’s done and its over.  I have made mistakes in the past that I agonize over every day.  how could I have done that differently? or how was I that stupid?  what was I thinking?  I just realized as I was writing this that I have been carrying around a baggage of emotional hurt.  and not just from Eric.  maybe it really is time to move on….from all of it. 

7. be truthful to myself - I need to recognize how I feel.  recovery is the main goal, but if I don’t mourn now, it will come out later.  “If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow.”

8. grow spiritually - God says if you love Him, then loving yourself comes naturally.  I’m working on this, but I am starting at square one, so it will take a while to fully achieve this. 

9. make positive affirmations every day - maybe I should start decorating my mirror with post-its. “I love and accept myself and God completely and unconditionally.”

10. express gratitude - for others and myself.  I need to be thankful for who I am and the people that surround me that love and care about me.  there is more to life than Eric. 

11. nurture my dreams - why deny myself? there is now absolutely nothing holding me back from doing everything that I want.  I get to love the life I am leading, the direction I am going, and the person I am becoming.  

12. boost my confidence - I need to sit back and figure out what I am really good at, and what I enjoy doing.  I have the time now, I need to indulge in those things that will make me feel more confident. 

13. relax - I think this is hard to do because I realize that I care about everyone and every thing around me than I previously thought.  I feel like I am constantly in “mom” mode, making sure everyone is okay around me.  I know I need to step back, that’s one of the reasons Eric and I didn’t make it, because I don’t know how.  it’s a work in progress. 

14. have fun - this goes hand in hand with relaxing.  if I have more fun, than relaxing will come naturally.  I feel like I am enjoying life right now.  right now meaning the past couple of days.  but maybe I am numbing my hurt with fun.  I am fostering different relationships though.  ironic that it occurs after Eric and I are over….

15. look after my body - this is something I am actively working on.  I have set a goal, and I am going to stick to it.  

16. learn to see beauty - I think this occurs when I slow down and realize that life is not about an assembly line and how fast things can get from one end to the other.  the world is beautiful. I can even find beautiful things in Baton Rouge.

By Michael D. Hargrove

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life changing experiences that you hear other people talk about, the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly.

This one occurred a mere two feet away from me. Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family. 

First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, “Me, too, Dad!” 

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. 

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment. 

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last,” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed, “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. 

I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?” 

“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those,” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. 

“Well, then, how long have you been away?” I asked. 

The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. 

“Two whole days!” 

Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks, if not months. I know my expression betrayed me, I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!” 

The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend…decide!” 

Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!” With that, he and his family turned and strode away together. I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, “What’cha looking at?” 

Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, “My future!”